Mired in inaction and uncertainty and quite frankly, despair, the writing process led me to ground down into the lessons of the earth.
It’s day three of the New Year, and I look at the sticky note John Oliver instructed me to place at my desk: This is not normal. Normally I set intentions in a new year, I reflect on what I was grateful to have learned from the previous year, and what I’d like to try differently. This new year is not normal. Time feels tangible, as if I’m moving through each day in thick liquid. My movements lack direction, and grace. I feel suspended in inaction – uncertain what to do in this new reality. I nodded in connection with writer Lisa Boldin while reading her recent piece on Spirituality & Health entitled Practices to Support Your Inward Journey: “If I am not careful I will slip into a place of fear with no known recourse. I am a “do-er”, an action oriented person who has been socially engaged to create positive change in our community. At this moment in time I am unsure of what action to take or how to make my voice heard.”
Boldin’s choice is to be quiet, to put into practice the teaching of Ayurveda that you treat a complex presentation with a simple remedy. That when faced with the unknown, you wait for inspiration. She writes of the winter practices of waking early for meditation or writing, taking the time to sip a cup of hot tea or water, bundling up for walks in the colder weather, and befriending your body through stretching and yoga.
In my mind I know that to ground oneself in love and a quiet mind is always a good practice, to be able to act from a place of calm, especially when faced with chaos and tumult. I want to be the quiet, steady center in the midst of
the spinning spokes of the wheel. But somehow that feels like privilege – that we don’t have time for reflection. Various social media sources are telling me we’re not doing enough to stop a tyrant. I don’t know what to do. I have never felt so helpless.
And I know we – I – have not been doing enough, for decades now. That police forces have been gearing up with military grade equipment and killing black people and arresting brown people in record numbers, and we
haven’t been doing enough to stop that. That the rich are getting richer, and the disenfranchised are losing even greater ground, and Skid Row has taken on new neighborhoods in Los Angeles. People do not make enough money to rent a room, and we turn away in disgust or shame from those without a home who use sidewalks as toilets. But where are they to go?
Fun fact: The word defecate not only means “to discharge feces from the bowels,”
but also "to free from impurity or corruption."
It’s time to defecate all over the U.S. governing bodies and our cities – to free our systems from impurity and
I still don’t know how to do that. But I do know that this feeling of impotence is exactly what keeps people quiet,
trapped. We look for someone else to show us the way. And while I want to learn from those who have gone before me, from the leaders and do-ers of the various civil rights movements, I don’t want to wait for them to tell me what to do. I want to embrace what Alice Walker writes: “It was the poet June Jordan who wrote ‘We are the ones we have been waiting for.’ Sweet Honey in the Rock turned those words into a song. Hearing this song, I have witnessed thousands of people rise to their feet in joyful recognition and affirmation. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for because we are able to see what is happening with a much greater awareness than our parents or grandparents, our ancestors, could see. This does not mean we believe, having seen the greater truth of how all oppression is
connected, how pervasive and unrelenting, that we can ‘fix’ things. But some of us are not content to have a gap in opportunity and income that drives a wedge between rich and poor, causing the rich to become ever more callous and
complacent and the poor to become ever more wretched and humiliated. Not willing to ignore starving and brutalized children. Not willing to let women be stoned or mutilated without protest. Not willing to stand quietly by as farmers
are destroyed by people who have never farmed, and plants are engineered to self-destruct. Not willing to disappear into our flower gardens, Mercedes Benzes or sylvan lawns. We have wanted all our lives to know that Earth, who has somehow obtained human beings as her custodians, was also capable of creating humans who could minister to her needs, and the needs of her creation. We are the ones.”
Will being quiet this winter, rising early to write and process my thoughts, show me actions to take? I know to join people’s protests, to sign letters from Amnesty International, to contact my representatives or world leaders to let
them know they are not acting in a vacuum, that we are watching, and we have had enough. But when it comes to our own leader, I’m looking for quick fixes – to do something to ensure DT and his band of white supremacists don’t get a
chance to think that they are the majority, that their might makes right. But these ideas, these people, did not rise up in one night, or even over the course of that year-long election. These are ideas and practices that have been festering and rising and falling for centuries.
Many of us who think racism and violence are abhorrent were often able to look away, to be distracted by our own safe surroundings. In general, white privilege. But now that violence, divisiveness, racism, sexism and misogyny have been given not only a national and global platform, but a face, we cannot look away. It’s in our news feeds. It’s on the television. It’s on the street corner. And it’s always been there, so the action to eradicate it will not be speedy, or possibly ever fully realized. But it is the process of doing so, and being so, that is the
The revolution will occur in our everyday actions, how we choose to respond to violence, to hate. How we choose
to talk to our coworkers, our neighbors, the barista making our cup of coffee. Whether we choose to ask someone what they think, and listen deeply, letting their thoughts, their experiences, their thoughts be heard. Speaking to a
stranger on the street, asking their name, what they think of what is happening in their neighborhood, in their city. Gloria Steinem, speaking in conversation with Jill Soloway just before the new year, encouraged us to gather together, to be with each other in discussions, over meals. In her book My Life on the Road, she writes about listening, that one of the simplest paths to deep change is for the less powerful to speak as much as they listen, and for the more powerful to listen as much as they speak.
Winter naturally slows us down. The days are shorter, darker, encouraging us to stay inside near the heater or a
fire, to light candles that provide flickering light. The days are colder, causing us to take more time to bundle in warm clothes, to peel off scarves and coats and hats upon entering someone’s home or restaurant or pub. It is, by its
nature, a time for reflection, wooly thinking, staring into a candle’s flame. But this winter, the world feels like it is spinning out of control.
Returning to the Ayurvedic theory Boldin references – what is the simple response to a complex presentation? When it
appears that the world is cold, seemingly without life, that we are a frozen people, uncertain what to do, where to take action, when to be still and listen, we remember that in winter, forces we cannot see are active beneath the
surface. Under the layer of frost and ground that looks hard, cold, and dead, roots and animals burrow, their perfectly evolved systems processing stored food, roots releasing water to endure colder temperatures, the sugar and salts in their cells acting as antifreeze.Mulch, whether from the falling leaves of autumn or a compost provided by human caretakers, provides a nutrient-rich blanket of insulation.
Gary Watson, head of research at The Morton Arboretum in Lisle reminds us of
the power of the earth to sustain life: "There's always warmth in the earth. The soil may be freezing from the surface, but it's always thawing from below."
The day after the election, my partner and I went downtown, to a favorite bookstore and market, to read the ideas of
others, to be surrounded by strangers. In response to a shopkeeper’s usual question: How are you, I gave the rote response, I’m well, before realizing, I am not well. And voicing that, she replied the same. We talked for 20 minutes
about the shock of learning so many people had not exercised their right to vote, or had voted for a hateful, bigoted, misogynist. We were shaky. We talked about how to come together, to host dinners and meet over meals to move
forward, to create change. My partner and I walked down the streets of Los Angeles, passing several people crying openly. I wanted to stop and hug a young 20 something. I offered my card to the stranger in the shop, should she need
another guest at her party in planning the revolution.
Taking the time to connect with others, wherever I am, these are my first steps in the long-game of resistance and
revolution this winter. To pay attention. To ask people to speak their stories, their truth, and amplify them. To give a coat to someone who is cold. To listen to the mother who tells me her young daughter’s cancer has returned, and remember that most people you meet are the walking wounded, and to forgive them when they snap. To forgive myself when I do not act in love, when I snap in anger at a loved one, when I travel through a day in a fog of my self-concern and do not stand up for someone, and once again set the intention to pay attention. To walk slowly, carefully, over the frozen ground, thoughtfully choosing to act in love, in embrace of the other. To remember that after winter, the ground thaws, and we when we sweep away the rotting leaves we reveal small green shoots of
life. To remember the magic that is beneath our feet, thawing from below.