I needed to read that, to remember that I've enjoyed and learned from my adventures, good and bad. And that this period of unemployment and a limited social circle is another sort of adventure. Today as I waited for the bus, standing in the cold, spitting rain that seemed so Oregon, in a bad way, mean rain that blows sideways in the wind that threatens my umbrella, I thought once again how much I dislike my life right now.
And then it clicked. I'm enjoying being miserable. I must be, since I keep letting those thoughts swirl around my mind. And realized that I, at that exact moment, could ignore the mindfulness and awake-awareness that just happened and wallow a bit more in how disgruntled I am. Or, I could try to change my thinking. I've been so panicked that my life is going to be small, uneventful and boring. And then I realized, of course it will, if that's all I'm thinking about.
So it's time to pay attention. To catch and change my thoughts. I can't change this damp, bone-chilling weather, but I can appreciate that the white lights in the shop window glow a bit brighter because it's so grey. I can't change the fact that the people on the bus are crazy. Crazier than L.A. bus riders, but I can silently sing "the freaks on the bus go round and round" and make up stories for them, and maybe even try to empathize that they are just a wee bit emotionally out of touch and unaware, as I have been the last few weeks. I can't change the fact that jobs I'm applying for are not responding to my resume, but I can write more, read more inspiring writing, and GET OUT to meet more people. Life is what I think it is.