"Your emotional impulses could push you toward extravagance, which might mean that you could be more inclined to indulge in buying things that aren’t necessary today. This need to treat yourself might be rooted in a much deeper desire, however—the desire to feel completely satisfied. Perhaps you can reflect on what you think you lack in your life and the things you feel you need to be fulfilled; the items you crave could give you some insight into where the emptiness inside may lie. Try asking your deeper self what your true emotional need is. ...
"Once we understand our unmet desires, we are able to treat ourselves to what we really need. With the messages we get every day telling us that we are not nearly as good as we should be, it is easy to buy into the idea that we have to acquire more to feel good about ourselves. Turning our focus inward, however, allows us to realize that while we do need to indulge ourselves once in a while, it is usually our spirit that needs love and pampering; this is something that no material good can fulfill. Seeing that there is a connection between your material desires and deeper yearnings will help you find satisfaction in something that is infinitely more meaningful today." (Daily OM)
Unemployed, I have no extra cash to blow on my unmet desires. But if I did, what would be my indulgence? I'd makeover my apartment, my space. I'm talking real makeover, upheaval. One for which I'd need to enlist one of the handy men from HGTV, to tear up the nappy carpet and put down beautiful, aged hardwood floors. To make some built-in bookshelves and an outdoor space to feed friends and sip cocktails. To invest in luscious fabrics from India (oh, yeah, let's throw in a trip to India in there, while we're at it).
While I can't redecorate, I can rid my life of excess stuff, to open up my space. And I can pay attention to that impulse to make things more lovely, to create space and ask what that means for me in a spiritual sense of self care. A little organizing, re-decorating and clearing of space in my soul.
Based on my dream decorating photos (below), I like simple, open, light and airy rooms, filled with books, greens and twinkly lights. I haven't felt very open or sparkly lately, more bogged down with stress of a never-ending job search, uncertainty about the future. Unsure of what I bring to the world, if I can live the dreams of a writing life that I want. Sitting with this meditation, looking at what I'd buy for my soul care, if purchases could fix my inner angst, I realize I need to clear my head of all the clutter and clanging. To write and let myself get creative, without fear. To seek out beauty, green and sparkle.